Australia is full of
exotic animals, especially when you are from Germany where the fauna’s
fascination stops short of encountering a deer or a daddy longlegs (German:Weberknecht).
Having lived nearly a
year in Australia, I had the (mis)fortune to meet some of its inhabitants. Let me
introduce you to a few of them. It is always good to know by what one gets
killed:
Kangaroo
Every time
I see a kangaroo hopping at the side of the road I get into staring,
photo-taking tourist mode….
”Look, look there is
a kangaroo.
Do you see it?
Did you see it?
Oh my god, it is
hopping next to us. Awesome (Monikanouncian is: Ooooohsome). “
What I keep
forgetting is that my fellow riders, usually Australians, have already seen one
or two or thousands in their lives. Tough to get much excitement out of them.
Kangaroos behave like mega-bunnies. They cant make up their mind where they
jump and all of a sudden they land in front of you. Can you guess where I am
going with this?
 |
| Just like a mega bunny |
Snakes
The most
deadly snakes call Australia their home. So if I see a snake, I would not be
exactly indifferent about its presence.
Well, surely enough, I was riding with
a few mates (yeah yeah turning into an Aussie already) through the lovely
Australian gravel country side when my riding buddies in front of me
circumvented a seeming stick on the road.
I was a confused.
Why don’t they just
hop that sucker? Even I could do that (and if you have ever ridden mountain
bikes with me, you know what I am talking about)!
They were calling
something in slurry Oz. Unconcerned and ignorant of the situation I was rocking
up to this stick ready to bunny hop.
Lightning struck. I knew now exactly what
was going on. Snake!
If the same situation
happened in Germany, everyone would get of their bike, take their phones out
and determine what snake it is. Australians are a little bit more laid back.
“Ah, just a brown snake” I was told. After some thorough research on most
venomous snakes, I learned that it is ranked as number 2.
Huntsman
I know
this might be a stretch as “need to know” cycling knowledge but if you don’t
know about this animal and see it the first time you wish you had already
written your will.
I had the misfortune to encounter it at 2am on my way to
the bathroom. I peed my pants. The bathroom was not required anymore. Compared to the huntsman, a
daddy longlegs seems a joke made by nature.
Flies
You must
be now thinking…Monika…seriously?
Well, let me tell you, the Australian flies
are different. Seriously!
I made the first real encounter while out-of-shaply
grinding up a monstrosity of mountain, one fly after the other felt like
joining me and climbed in my ears, nostrils and eyes. Waving in front of my
face encouraged the flies to do it again, just a bit more annoying. Well, after
an eternity of annoyance and wild waving, I made the mistake of stopping.
Pooofff, an entire fly colony with its neighbors made picnic on me. After that, I
was literally flying to the top of the mountain.
Magpies
Well,
comparing flies with Magpies, I am not sure what is more challenging – the
constant tickle in your eyes, ears and nose or the occasional smack to the
head?
Welcome to Magpie land.
If it doesn’t kill you on the ground, don’t
worry, Australia got the air covered as well. During Magpie season, October and
November, these birds attack you from the back and smack you in the head if they think you
deserve the full treatment.
The bird’s exceptional business idea resulted even in
an app where you can locate the most active Magpies.
If you are a fan of
fartlek training, the Magpie is your secret training partner.
Koalas
So I have
been living in Australia now for almost a year and still haven’t seen a koala. I start
to think that this is a myth to have a cute little fluff ball in Australia’s
killer animal kingdom. On top of it, it is high all the time – someone must
have been stoned while inventing this creature.
Discovering
Australia’s fauna is a work in progress and I am sure I forgot some crucial
animals. And I have this odd feeling, that I will discover them rather sooner
than later.
Although I am not
quite sure about this deadly animal business, there is one thing I am sure about: there
is not much left that could unsettle the Australian human species.
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